Twisted Straight http://www.twistedstraight.com/ Is it news? Is it parody? Is it some sort of demented blog? It's all that and more. en-us Copyright ©2005 TwistedStraight.com Mon, 05 Dec 2005 22:38:42 GMT Mon, 05 Dec 2005 22:38:42 GMT Desaware Simple RSS Editor 60 http://www.twistedstraight.com/images/logosmall.gif Twisted Straight http://www.twistedstraight.com/ 144 45 Microsoft Sued for Hot XBoxes http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/xboxfreeze1.aspx Overheating said to be work of Satan as hell freezes over. Science and Technology Mon, 05 Dec 2005 22:32:43 GMT Ex FEMA Head Starts Disaster Planning Firm http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/mbrownllc1.aspx Michael Brown will share experience with both individuals and corporations. Money and Business Sat, 26 Nov 2005 21:41:15 GMT Sony Executive to Ship with Each CD http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/sonyrootkit1.aspx Provides the ultimate in digital rights management. Science and Technology Tue, 22 Nov 2005 05:14:00 GMT Bush Didn't Mislead Nation on War http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/hadley1.aspx It was pure incompetence Politics Mon, 14 Nov 2005 07:31:35 GMT French Teenagers Liberate Paris http://www.twistedstraight.com/S2005/parisliberated1.aspx Tyranny of democracy finally overturned Society Tue, 08 Nov 2005 03:28:35 GMT Bush Nominates Jesus to Supreme Court http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/jesus2court1.aspx Meets surprising resistance from the right. Politics Tue, 01 Nov 2005 10:57:14 GMT Scooter Libby off to Destroy Israel http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/libbyiran1.aspx "Will go somewhere I'm appreciated," he announces. Politics Fri, 28 Oct 2005 19:26:49 GMT Bush Takes Responsibility for Fiasco http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/jebresponsible1.aspx No, it's the other Bush. Politics Thu, 27 Oct 2005 19:23:09 GMT Bill Frist Goes Blind to Regain Trust http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/fristblind1.aspx Blinds self in order to be blindly trusted. Politics Mon, 24 Oct 2005 02:31:33 GMT Criminalization of Politics: Will it End of Democracy? http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/polcrim1.aspx Wouldn't be a problem if so many politicians weren't criminals, says social scientists. Society Sat, 22 Oct 2005 19:45:07 GMT Bush Approval Rating Skyrockets to 98% in New Poll http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/commanderinchief1.aspx New T.V. Show "Commander in Chief" is so bad it makes even the Bush Administration look good. Culture Fri, 21 Oct 2005 10:13:42 GMT Marijuana May Cure Cancer http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/mjcancer1.aspx Lower cancer risk than tobacco, plus numerous benefits, assures it will never be legal. Science and Technology Thu, 20 Oct 2005 22:23:42 GMT Republicans Confess to Miers Conspiracy to Trick Democrats http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/miersaborts1.aspx Ready to overturn Roe in a heartbeat. Politics Thu, 20 Oct 2005 00:22:18 GMT Iraqi Constitution to Incorporate Permanent Insurgency http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/iraqbombing1.aspx An exciting new way of life for the world's newest Democracy Politics Sat, 15 Oct 2005 03:43:34 GMT Animitronic Soldiers Perform for the President http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/animatronicbush1.aspx High tech staged teleconference designed by Disney to support president. Politics Fri, 14 Oct 2005 09:00:50 GMT Bush Turns to Energy Hog to Solve U.S. Energy Problems http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/energyhog1.aspx Strategy will quickly eliminate U.S. dependency on foreign oil. Science and Technology Wed, 12 Oct 2005 21:41:11 GMT Supreme Court to Institute Lottery http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/luckycourt1.aspx New program expected to start when Miers joins the court. Politics Tue, 11 Oct 2005 02:20:37 GMT House Adds Torture to Debate Rules http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/housetorture1.aspx No limits, as Republicans and Democrats vow to complete their legislative agenda. Politics Sat, 08 Oct 2005 04:00:36 GMT Bush Ready to Sacrifice for War on Terror http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/abrahambush1.aspx Freedom, integrity and competence are at the top of the list. Politics Thu, 06 Oct 2005 22:07:59 GMT Tom Delay Sued by Maytag for Illegally Laundering Money http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/delaylonely1.aspx Chief Justice Roberts supports action, citing unconstitutional interferance with private enterprise by the government. Politics Tue, 04 Oct 2005 06:07:48 GMT Sony Creates First TV Watchable by both Men and Women http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/bravia1.aspx Gender neutral TV reflects unique combination of technological prowess and stupid marketing. Science and Technology Sat, 01 Oct 2005 23:56:50 GMT Oprah to Stop Interviewing Dead Writers http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/deadwriters1.aspx Dead writers object to Oprah's change in plans. Culture Fri, 23 Sep 2005 18:28:55 GMT God Attacks Carnival Cruise Lines http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/godvscarnival1.aspx Ready to take on Port Galveston next. Culture Wed, 21 Sep 2005 22:37:30 GMT North Korea Drops Nukes http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/nokornuke1.aspx "Ooops", says North Korea leader Kim Jong. Politics Mon, 19 Sep 2005 20:17:36 GMT Nintendo Revolutionizes Gaming with "Total Reality" Controllers http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/nintendo1.aspx From swords to Uzis, gamers will finally really be in the action. Science and Technology Sat, 17 Sep 2005 06:24:55 GMT God Abandons U.S. over Pledge Flap http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/godleaves1.aspx "No more help from me," says an irate deity. Society Thu, 15 Sep 2005 21:06:05 GMT Republicans and Democrats Battle at Roberts' Confirmation http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/robertsbattle1.aspx Knives and broken bottles are the order of the day Politics Tue, 13 Sep 2005 18:33:27 GMT Rest of the World Continues to Function after Katrina http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/nonkatrina1.aspx Despite near 24/7 coverage of the New Orleans Disaster, other things are happening. Politics Sat, 10 Sep 2005 20:20:11 GMT Congress Passes $200/person Forced Donation for Hurricane Relief http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/donation1.aspx Says it's time for everyone to contribute, or else... Money and Business Fri, 09 Sep 2005 03:05:06 GMT President Bush Declares Mission Accomplished in New Orleans http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/mission1.aspx Time to move on to more important things. Politics Wed, 07 Sep 2005 06:38:09 GMT New Orleans Residents Sprout Gills http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/gills1.aspx Shocking proof of evolution convinces the most extreme creationists (excuse us, intelligent design advocates). Science and Technology Sat, 03 Sep 2005 08:32:05 GMT DHS Head Michael Chertoff Given Medal of Freedom http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/chertoff1.aspx Joins ranks of administration officials who have proved themselves in times of crisis. Politics Sat, 03 Sep 2005 08:30:26 GMT Former Presidents Bush and Clinton Lead New Orleans Urban Renewal project http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/urbanrenewal1.aspx Administration priorities clarified with the arrival of competent executives Society Thu, 01 Sep 2005 22:35:14 GMT Katrina Ends Bush Vacation http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/bushvacation1.aspx It took a Category 5 Hurricane to do it. Politics Wed, 31 Aug 2005 06:08:13 GMT CNN Opens School for Hurricane Reporters http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/hurricaneschool1.aspx Learn to stand outside during storms and scare the crap about of your viewers. Society Mon, 29 Aug 2005 21:29:59 GMT Hurricane Bin-Laden to Invade New Orleans http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/katrina1.aspx All major hurricanes to be renamed under new homeland defense policy Politics Mon, 29 Aug 2005 00:39:27 GMT Google launches IM service with custom ads http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/googletalk1.aspx New IM service knows your deepest darkest secrets. Science and Technology Wed, 24 Aug 2005 19:03:30 GMT Iraq becoming another Vietnam http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/iraqviet1.aspx Major geographic and climate shift underway Politics Mon, 22 Aug 2005 18:17:05 GMT Palestinian Strategy to be Adopted by U.S. http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/palesvictry1.aspx High expectations for explosive new approach Politics Sat, 20 Aug 2005 09:46:39 GMT Iraqi Bill of Rights Revealed http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/iraqconst1.aspx The first seven ammendments in the new Iraqi constitution have been released. The results were... surprising? Politics Wed, 17 Aug 2005 19:29:06 GMT Bush Wants Intelligent Design Taught http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/inteldesign1.aspx And God also wants you to read this article. Society Fri, 05 Aug 2005 02:59:46 GMT Air France Jet Evacuated in Under 2 Minutes: Other Airlines to Adopt New Techniques http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/airfrance1.aspx Lessons learned will bring added convenience to all airline passengers. Money and Business Wed, 03 Aug 2005 17:53:58 GMT Apple Launches Mouse of Many Buttons http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/applemouse1.aspx Promises more buttons and features than any mouse in history Science and Technology Tue, 02 Aug 2005 20:15:14 GMT Bush Appoints Michael Bolton to U.N. http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/boltonsing1.aspx Sudden recess appointment stuns world, annoys senate, and sells albums. Politics Mon, 01 Aug 2005 22:20:44 GMT Peace breaks out in the Middle East after Saudi Arabia's King Fahd dies http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/fahdgone1.aspx Democracy breaks out, oil prices drop, and the Arab-Israeli conflict comes to a sudden end. Politics Mon, 01 Aug 2005 09:41:15 GMT Al Gore to create dullest TV network ever http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/gorecurrent1.aspx New network for the Internet generation will be like nothing you've seen before. Culture Sun, 31 Jul 2005 23:15:56 GMT Sally Struthers Causes African Famine http://www.twistedstraight.com/S2005/struthers1.aspx Is anyone really surprised? Society Sat, 30 Jul 2005 20:03:58 GMT NASA to rebuild space shuttles without foam http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/foamshuttle1.aspx "Perhaps foam wasn't the best choice of construction material," say NASA scientists Science and Technology Fri, 29 Jul 2005 17:49:09 GMT New ad campaign says "Bring a gun to school" http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/senateguns1.aspx "Do no harm, unless it's with a legal firearm," says Senate Majority Leader and physician Bill Frist in his newly revised version of the Hippocratic oath. Society Thu, 28 Jul 2005 18:20:20 GMT 300 Scouts Sickened by Bush at Jamboree http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/jamboree1.aspx Though dropping like flies, they remain moral, trustworthy, and fully clothed. Society Thu, 28 Jul 2005 08:57:37 GMT North Korea wants normalized relations with U.S. - Nobody knows why. http://www.twistedstraight.com/S2005/nokorea1.aspx With most of the world rushing to denormalize relations with the U.S. why is North Korea the exception? Politics Wed, 27 Jul 2005 21:52:45 GMT Cheney vows to go medieval on terrorists http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/cheneymedieval1.aspx Bring on the rack! Bring on the thumbscrews! Down with terror! Politics Tue, 26 Jul 2005 06:10:39 GMT Lance Armstrong announces future plans http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/lance1.aspx Armstrong discovers that road bikes aren't the only kind of bike, and cycling will never be the same. Culture Mon, 25 Jul 2005 08:05:43 GMT Confused Muslim Extremists Attack Luxury Egyptian Hotel http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/sharmbomb1.aspx Islmaic conference leads to massive confusion as suicide bombers can't figure out who to blow up next. Politics Sat, 23 Jul 2005 18:17:25 GMT Microsoft buys Wyoming, gets vistas http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/msvista1.aspx Part of a multitiered plan to lock in the vista trademark as Longhorn is ditched. Science and Technology Fri, 22 Jul 2005 22:53:41 GMT Rich White Man Nominated to Court http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/richroberts1.aspx John G. Roberts, a rich white man, gets the nod in advance of a prolonged confirmation process. Politics Wed, 20 Jul 2005 02:11:51 GMT Big 3 carmakers offer ultimate employee discount to all http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/cardiscount1.aspx Mr. Goodwrench comes home as GM offers a free employee with each car. Money and Business Tue, 19 Jul 2005 05:20:32 GMT Millions of kids enter therapy after reading Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/potter1.aspx In-depth analysis in this twisted book review (don't worry, no spoilers). Culture Sun, 17 Jul 2005 03:26:18 GMT Would the real Willy Wonka, please stand up? http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/wonka1.aspx Who is the true Candy Man? Culture Sat, 16 Jul 2005 11:26:57 GMT Fetuses Identified as Leading Source of Toxic Waste http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/toxicfetus1.aspx Chemicals identified in umbilical cords are destroying the planet. Science and Technology Fri, 15 Jul 2005 10:34:59 GMT Senator Clinton Redefines Adulthood to Age 39 http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/hillarygta1.aspx Grand Theft Auto is not for kids. Grand Theft Auto is bad for kids. Better redefine kids. Society Fri, 15 Jul 2005 04:57:09 GMT Discovery Runs Out of Gas http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/discovery1.aspx It wasn't a faulty fuel gauge after all. Science and Technology Thu, 14 Jul 2005 12:23:45 GMT Rehnquist Sniffles, Wipes Nose http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/rehnquist1.aspx Uncertainty and turmoil spreads with every hiccup and sneeze of the Chief Justice. Politics Thu, 14 Jul 2005 00:57:54 GMT Serving in Iraq is Safer than Driving http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/iraqsafe1.aspx According to Lt. Gen Blum of the National Guard - but is it true? Politics Tue, 12 Jul 2005 23:54:39 GMT Major Troop Reductions Coming in 2006 http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/troopreduction1.aspx Are U.S. troops actually getting smaller? Are they coming? Are they going? Politics Tue, 12 Jul 2005 03:23:30 GMT Google Earth Finds Anything http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/googleearth1.aspx Revolutionary software shows world as it really is - fuzzy and confused. Science and Technology Mon, 11 Jul 2005 04:34:23 GMT Viagra Sales Zoom on FDA Warning http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/viagra1.aspx Is it hard to be blind, or blind to be hard? Society Sun, 10 Jul 2005 00:32:23 GMT London Transit Targeted by Terrorists http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/londontransit1.aspx Londoners are used to transit strikes, but this really is going a bit too far. Politics Fri, 08 Jul 2005 12:40:34 GMT Bush Blows off Blair at G8 http://www.twistedstraight.com/s2005/bushblair1.aspx Not only is it not quid pro quo, it has the makings of an real tiff in their "special" relationship. Politics Fri, 08 Jul 2005 05:27:43 GMT Scientists Solve Global Warming http://www.twistedstraight.com/S2005/globalwarming1.aspx Good news about dirty air. Science and Technology Fri, 08 Jul 2005 04:37:21 GMT Supreme Court Splits 10 Commandments http://www.twistedstraight.com/S2005/tencomd1.aspx But which commandments are allowed? Society Thu, 23 Jun 2005 08:07:49 GMT D.C. Seizes White House http://www.twistedstraight.com/S2005/dcwhitehouse1.aspx Supreme court decision opens the door to change in ownership. Politics Mon, 20 Jun 2005 01:03:18 GMT Osama Bin Laden Location Revealed http://www.twistedstraight.com/S2005/osamatx1.aspx CIA Director Goss reveals the shocking truth. Politics Fri, 17 Jun 2005 01:02:45 GMT Israel To Build Undersea Barrier http://www.twistedstraight.com/S2005/barrier1.aspx And gets support from an unexpected source. Politics Mon, 13 Jun 2005 01:02:12 GMT Batman Directors Burn Theaters http://www.twistedstraight.com/S2005/batman1.aspx Find out how directors of previous Batman movies feel about the latest one. Culture Sat, 11 Jun 2005 08:08:41 GMT Senate Defends Shiavo Actions http://www.twistedstraight.com/S2005/schiavo1.aspx What do you know? She really was dead. But that doesn't mean she can't be killed. Society Sat, 11 Jun 2005 08:07:17 GMT Neverland Residents Comment on Jackson Acquittal http://www.twistedstraight.com/S2005/neverland1.aspx In an exclusive interview, TwistedStraight finds out what Peter, Hook and other Neverland residents really think about the trial. Society Thu, 09 Jun 2005 08:06:18 GMT British War Memo Predicts Future http://www.twistedstraight.com/S2005/warmemo1.aspx The infamous British war memo not only predicted the Iraq war, it predicts the next one as well. Politics Wed, 08 Jun 2005 01:01:31 GMT Disney to Replace Shark Fin Soup http://www.twistedstraight.com/S2005/sharkfin1.aspx No more jaws for Jaws. Society Sun, 05 Jun 2005 08:05:47 GMT San Francisco Bans Dogs http://www.twistedstraight.com/S2005/sfbansdogs1.aspx Dog attacks boy. City attacks Dogs. Cool. Society Thu, 02 Jun 2005 08:05:07 GMT Conspiracy to Defile Holy Books Uncovered http://www.twistedstraight.com/S2005/defilebook1.aspx But who's to blame? Could it be you? Politics Tue, 31 May 2005 01:01:00 GMT President Bush Condemns 25 million Americans to Death and Disease - And it's a good thing too. http://www.twistedstraight.com/S2005/stemcells1.aspx The president takes a firm stand against stem cell research. Hurrah! Society Mon, 30 May 2005 01:04:06 GMT Cheney, Bush, Deeply Offended by Amnesty International http://www.twistedstraight.com/S2005/chenyoffended.aspx A devastated president and vice president struggle to recover from undeserved criticism. Politics Sat, 28 May 2005 01:00:21 GMT U.S. Shocked by French Rejection of EU Constitution http://www.twistedstraight.com/S2005/euconstitution.aspx Rallies and chaos as Americans wake up to the stunning news from France. Politics Fri, 27 May 2005 00:59:43 GMT WMD Found in Iraq http://www.twistedstraight.com/S2005/sadaamunderwear.aspx Who would have expected a WMD to be found now? Politics Mon, 16 May 2005 17:45:10 GMT