Twisted Straight - Ex FEMA Director Michael Brown to Prevent Disasters Instead of Causing Them

Former FEMA Director Michael Brown, who established his reputation guiding the Federal response to Hurricane Katrina, has started an independent disaster consulting firm Michael Brown LLC, to help both individuals and corporations plan for disasters. His is widely expected to quickly become the premier disaster preparedness firm in the country based on his unique five step approach to preparing for disasters.

Prepare a disaster wardrobe. Shortly after disaster strikes, your executives will likely have to appear in public. It is essential that they look good on camera, and a solid wardrobe of designer clothing will lend reassurance to those in mortal peril that everything is going to be ok.
Media presence. Learning to look confident on camera while ignoring desperate pleas for help is an essential part of preparing for any disaster.
Away messages. Every executive should have a series of answering machine and away messages available to deploy the instant a disaster occurs. For example "We're sorry, Mr. CEO cannot be reached right now because he is at a five star restaurant downtown. Please leave a message of where you can be reached or which morgue you expect to be taken to should you not survive until help arrives."
Passing Blame. Corporations should prepare a list of scapegoats for disasters both likely and unlikely. For example: "The deaths of thousands due to the toxic spill from our plant is entirely the fault of those foolish people who insisted in moving to the same state in which we built the plant, and those stupid enough not to move away after we built it."
Creative Resume Editing. At some point during a disaster someone will uncover the background of your executives, and being able to spin this correctly is essential for public relations purposes. Your VP whose only experience was flipping burgers at McDonalds and only skill was in marrying the bosses kid was really a director of consumer provisioning. Your CEO who only served sporadically during his stint in the National Guard was really a heroic veteran.

For information on how to become a client of Michael Brown LLC, listen on the news for reports of any major disaster and head as quickly as possible to the site of the worst destruction. Wait there for a Brown representative to arrive. Be sure to bring several weeks worth of food and water, as there may be a slight delay in response.

Whether your disaster consists of hurricanes, tornadoes, or the sudden appearance of giant letters on a hillside, Michael Brown LLC can help you prepare and deal with the crisis.